The Bipolar Victim

She was talking to a girlfriend online last night when she inadvertently told her that she is not fine. She really sucks in pretending. She has to admit she is sad, lonely and hurt. The friend tried to console her. It was not what she wanted to hear.

She knows the truth, the grievous truth. She can't, however, confront anyone. She decided to carry on as if she knows nothing. I cannot let her be this way forever. I have to do something.

The flirty one, the one who always want to be in control told her to call some friends or sleep with anyone on sight. Such vicarious advice that leads to nothing. I don't understand why she still talks to her. She hugs her as if they are one. I would rather she be alone, safe from the prying eyes of the mortals. She is safer in solitude.

There were times that I can only hold her hand while she suffers. I let her write whenever she wants, not insisting anymore for my right to scribble my thoughts. I let her do with whatever she wants to do while I satiate my consciousness by watching her on the sideline.

The lustful man kept calling her, reminding her of the times that they spent together. I can only chuckle whenever the goddess ask him: "What really happened?" She had no idea. None. I made sure she will never remember any.

A friend advised her to consult a psychiatrist. She does not want to. I talked to her about it, too. Lots of times I did. She is suffering from bipolar disorder. She does not want to admit it. She wants to continue living in a distressful state and told me that she can manage alright. I never believe a thing she say. I must not. She does not even believe herself.

Even further, she was found to have selective amnesia according to the mind doctor. Poor girl had suffered so much trauma with that aborted rape. Yet she kept telling me that she's over the drama. She is not! How can I make her see that?

She begins to spend more and more time thinking how to kill herself. I do not want her that way. I never wanted her to be this melancholic.

I have to be strong for her.

Watch her carefully, I must.