Cry to Heaven

We again walked all the way home from the doctor's office. The mortal goddess fretted all the time, her foot hurts: the usual complaint. She mumbled something and I told her to speak louder.

She told me that she worried a lot about my silence these days. I told her that I have nothing important to accomplish, hence, the silence. My opinions never mattered to her. Why, did she ever stop doing whatever she needed to do to hear me out? No, she never did. She continued her endless day dreamings and mindless wanderings.

My deafening silence was actually a rebellion. A rebellion that stemmed from her disastrous decisions. Most nights, I go out and tried to walk the worry away. I worried for her safety, for her health and most of all, for her sanity. All these human beings that abused her can't seem to get enough of her, and yet, she conceded their foolishness and ended up feeling dejected afterwards.

Human! When am I going to understand beings like you?

As always, as a means to distract her, I pointed the various sceneries along the way. I encouraged her to pick some roses, stomped on some wild grasses growing along the sidewalk gardens. She happily grind some insects under her heels.

I know that she was trying to be gay. I don't have much time to worry about her now. She is trying to manage on her own. Or is she?

As I looked around me, I saw couples walking hand in hand. I could sense the envy in the heart of the goddess, for she too missed the feeling of having someone hold her tiny hands. I tried to take her hand into mine. We looked silly so I let her go.

Some couples enjoy the blissful blow of the hot summer wind on the park benches. Some are really seated close to each other. Some are merely stroking each partner's skin with tender caresses. Again, I felt her jealousy.

I tried to talk her out of it and asked about the last session with the doctor. She honestly told me that she actually hated seeing that shrink, and that it was only I, who seemed to enjoy the time. She and the other girl were bored to death. I explained that it was for our own good. She merely frowned.

We cut through the Samgakji station and passed the War Memorial Park, the huge bullet, never ceasing to charm me. We have been here in this place countless times, but my fascination to the monuments grow fervid each time. I can not fathom the inexplicable sensation I sense in this place. Must be the wandering souls that frequents that place. I can smell them, feel them swirl passed us, heard them talk in their dimension. The goddess spoiled my thoughts and told me that I am imagining things and she hated it.

She wanted to sit down and talk. I obliged.

Again, her endless contemplations, gripings, whinings. I merely listened, half of me wanted to just walk away, the other half wanted to listen attentively. While she talks, my mind wandered to the gate beyond the park. I know she suddenly misses someone from there. To avoid further drama, I dragged her home. I told her that I need to feed on some liquids. For her sake, I stopped drinking spirits.

The walk home took forever. She stops every now and then, picked up more flowers, greeted children and even talked to an old Korean lady. A blithe sight to behold, but deep inside, her soul is crying to heaven.

How I wish I know what to do.